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  • Writer's pictureManpreet Singh

How do I see myself..

A look at myself and I see a clutter of hooks waiting to be anchored to a bunch of “happiness generator” of my life. I feel a void because I see these hooks hanging, waiting to be anchored. But wait a minute, was my situation ever different when many of my happiness generators were firing full barrels? How do I see myself..? The one holding the reigns of my own life or as someone struggling to find footholds around the walls to keep my head above the water. 

We struggle, we have been and we may continue to. Finding ourselves wrapped around with all the situations in our life, we see ourselves as entitled recipients of experiences as per our own expectations and desires. But how good and fair is that, is a question. We endlessly struggle and battle because it’s mostly about what ‘I’ want and how ‘I’ want. And, it just stops there. Only if it could go further to what and how I give back in return, the flowers would smile.

Expectations are fuel guzzlers. It’s okay to expect, but with mindfulness. I would really want to know how I see myself. Do I have enough within to hold the strings of my life? Or am I someone, always looking for candy sellers in my life to get me doses of sugary kicks. Am I pushing my life, my work and relationships too hard..? Is pushing too hard worth all the effort? We all face challenges across various aspects of our lives. As they say, work on the challenging bits and all will get good. Certainly, the way to go. But how far do I go, before letting go? The answer lies in ‘Mindfulness’. I have a situation at hand that’s troubling me, I work on the situation and I work hard but it stays as is. Despite my best efforts, I haven’t been able to help. What now? ‘Mindfulness’ is the answer. Get aware, accept… You’ll certainly see the way further.

Of all the multiple ‘milestones’ in our life where we see fulfilment and joys coming to us, the one occupying the maximum carpet space is our ‘Relationships’. Our relationships are key to our happiness. And here I’m referring to all our relationships- our relationship with our work, loved ones, friends etc etc. If we get mindful of our relationships, we can, to a large extent get control over our goodness and joys. All we need is mindfulness followed by acceptance and this would eventually lead to resolutions. When we accept, deliberate and work to sort and resolve, we end up owning up to the situation, hence staying in control and not holding the situations responsible. It’s important not to hold others responsible but to own up and bring (or better still, be) the change.

One aspect of our life where we mostly skip being mindful and constantly hold others responsible, if unfulfilled, is Love. The incidence of acceptance and awareness is completely ignored and the focus jumps straight to pushing and holding the situation responsible. What do we do when we feel unfulfilled here? We conveniently push our focus on the other person. So high is our focus on self-gratification that we feel entitled. We fail to understand that despite our loving our ones so much, why they fail to reciprocate. Let’s think a bit deeper here..

The amount of love we feel for others is indeed the amount of joy ‘we’ derive from them. The very incidence of loving someone is self-gratifying or to put it differently, the extent to which we feel gratified is the amount of love we feel for others. It is all about ‘us’. If we think for a moment, we will realize that we always chase a double-deal. I want to feel happy while loving my loved ones and at the same time expect them to love me back as much. So where in the first place, I’m gratifying myself by giving love (my 1st point of happiness), I also want as much back (my claim to my 2nd point of happiness). It is this, my 2nd claim to my gratification that leads to expectations. When a happiness generator of our life stops to churn joys for us, love gradually comes down, filling the void either with a sense of responsibility or conditioned commitments (the only exception here is unconditional love- where serving the other precedes self).

Most of what is the gravity of life today won’t stay the same in times to come. The only thing that stays along, all the way, is the state of our mind we build over time and experiences. What was most important to us a decade back, isn’t today (no matter if was or wasn’t realized). What’s most important for us now, may not be a few years hence. So if any of your Joy givers aren’t doing a good job, relax and be mindful. Don’t chase too hard.

Be as mindful of others as we are for ourselves. Never hold on to any situation just for self-gratification. Double-deals are not good and won’t last for long. Rather, go for fair ones. Let go of conditioned and responsibility based relationships. If you are unhappy with the Job you do, a relationship you are in or a business association, get mindful and you’ll see a clear way ahead.

Peace to all…


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